Resume This!

My personal resume is extensive. If I were to submit my resume to a dating service, I'm sure I'd get a winner. "Well traveled, well read, musically trained, bilingual activist with copious waitressing experience and a great sense of humor seeks smashing fellow who's not afraid of her."

My musical resume is immeasurably sadder. Natalia K*****, Lyric Soprano. Address, height (5'8"), weight (oh christ), Hair (blonde), Eyes (aqua). Roles Studied: Pelleas et Melisande (Melisande, Well scene). Operatic Repertoire (insert operas and names of 9 arias). Operatic Chorus Experience (opera in the heights 2000-2003). Education (UD, Shann Powers, Walter Foster, Melanie DeMent) Master Classes (I could only remember one out of the 4 or so that I have done.)

The book I am using to tell me how to do it shows the resume of a woman who has performed multiple roles with many opera companies, has critical acclaim, etc, etc. Maybe I should list song cycles or something. Christ. I also need to get a headshot. I wouldn't be so nervous about it, except that I know my resume will be up against many much better looking ones. I guess everyone has to start somewhere.

Also: Check out Tony. Looks like he's had some practice.

Vomit?

I dreamt about dropping acid last night. It definitely wasn't as cool as I thought it would be. Maybe it would be in real life, but I'm not sure I want to find out.

D and E came over for dinner last night, and I made this thai eggplant dish, with rice and tofu. It was quite successful. After D left, E said something about him being an eternal bachelor... which I found interesting, because I guess it illuminated our society's general expectation for everyone to settle down. Settling down is something I definitely don't see in my near future... so I'll be an eternal spinster or something? Why is it that men are "Bachelors" and women are "Spinsters." Like it's a failing for us to not be married. From early childhood until we die, men are allowed to play and have fun, but women have to be mature and maternal and matronly. For some reason, men are given so much more leeway.

I want to go to Vermont again. I guess this Amnesty Camp on a farm will be a nice escape, too. Escape. I like that word. I need to escape, so that I can do some good thinking. It might be about human rights most of the time, but I also need to just think about me and my life... or maybe realize that it is light. The Unbearable Lightness of Being talks about this German expression, Einmal ist Keinmal. In other words, "If it happened only once, it might as well not have happened at all." In order for something to become tiresome, it has to happen many times... and since we only live once, our life is of little consequence, and it therefore becomes "Unbearably light." Or... that is the gist, said much less eloquently than Mr. Kundera.
I do know that I tend to agonize and overanalyze fairly meaningless decisions. (Do I eat order the avocado salad or the falafel? Paper or plastic?) I wonder if human beings would survive better, given infinite options and possibilities, or if they need a specific structure within which to operate. It's the bureaucratic paradox, I guess... The system is supposed to expidite processes, but it inevitably gets in the way.

Concerning major news, this whole business with Hamas winning the Palestinian elections is fairly unsettling. I recognize that their victory is probably a result of the extremism coming from American meddling in Iraq, and also the Wall... but this speaks of such a violence that I find unacceptable. It's clearly a statement to the world: "Don't fuck with us." But for christ's sake... I recognize their frustration with Israel, but the bottom line is that violence is not the way to change people's hearts and minds.

it's coming up roses

The things one never expects to become problems are inevitably the biggest problem-causers. Yesterday morning, Esther casually said something about how I should date someone. And I thought- Yes! I should! I'm by no means lonely, but it would be nice to have that going on in my life. The problem is, that the moment you think that, the concept acquires some sort of importance. Suddenly you're running down a list of acquaintainces (and friends), wondering who would be a good person to date. Unfortunately, I don't have any particularly appealing acquaintainces, so that concept is killed. And then there's the top friend-candidate. I lay awake in my bed at 3am, picturing us in all sorts of sexual ways, and I was fairly surprised at my reaction- especially as up until recently, this would have seemed laughable. But of course it's a sticky situation, and as this is a fairly excellent friendship, I think that the best course of action would be to guard myself carefully and not jeopardize the situation. It sounds cowardly, but I would prefer to have this person in my life as a friend, rather than not at all, on account of a silly whim of mine.

Never ever microwave soap

That's what happened last night... and 36 Prospect smelled really really bad. Not that I noticed for long, drunk as I was. My friends did what all good friends do for one's 21st birthday, and got me insanely drunk. (Of course they had to deal with me afterwards.) It seems that I hit on everyone and beligerently denied everything. But all in all, it was a really nice evening, and my friends are amazing. There is full documentation of the event on Esther Ruth Holland's facebook profile... and some pictures of me on mine.

It goes without saying that I am now dying to buy my underage friends alcohol.

sink in the city aquarium

It's funny how people agonize over fairly meaningless decisions. Do I go to the gym or do I do yoga in my apartment? I'm so mystified by what it is that I really want that I eventually decide that when I get off work, if it is sunny outside, I will go the gym, and if it is cloudy, I will do yoga. It is cloudy, so I walked home... it's extremely warm for January. I've just eaten lunch, so I can't do yoga right away. In about 2 hours, I am going to get headshots. I should practice... I want to do that today. Then there's the struggle that says maybe I would just rather relax... it is my birthday, after all. But I'm likely to be fairly hungover tomorrow, and I doubt I'll want to do much practicing... Huh. Questions abound. A nap also sounds good.

leftover soup and jeans

Chris took me to a swimshop the other day, and I bought fancy goggles and a fancy swimcap... The swimcap is kind of heavy-duty and supposedly non-tearing... it came in a special bag with a zipper, which is pretty sweet. The only unpleasant thing is that it has a US flag on it, and it says "United We Swim." For some reason, swimming is a sport that is seen in a really All-American light. Maybe it's because the only time anybody ever watches it is at the Olympics.

So I had a really nice swim today, for about 45 minutes... I'm feeling rather sore from it already, which is good. I saw Dr. Herman (a music dept. professor) bobbing up and down at the side of the pool, and waved to him... I'm not sure what he was doing, but knowing Dr. Herman, it seems about right that he should bob.

The funny thing was, since I saw someone I knew- especially since it was someone from the music department, I felt like I had to swim harder. Cause you know... I'm obviously judged in life by how fast a swimmer I am.

I believe in celebrating one's birthday for 72 hours, so it is technically my birthday right now, even though I turn 21 tomorrow. You may all congratulate me. I'm hoping to spend tonight by myself, eat leftover chinese and watch a movie. I'll see enough people tomorrow, I think.

PS: I like swimming with flippers on... they make me ZOOM

The quest to build a better muffin

Stas came over yesterday, and we made muffins... they turned out to be rather mediocre, so I decided that since I still had ingredients, I would attempt to make the receipe better... I basically added more sugar, made it more pumpkiny, and added some nutmeg, allspice and ginger... I also stirred the jam into the wet ingredients, which ended up forcing me to heat it all up so that the jelly would become more liquified... Anyway, I think it is improved. Except next time I'm definitely not putting brown sugar on top.

Somehow- I'm not sure how- I seem to have things to do all the time, even though I'm not taking any classes. I guess it could have something to do with the fact that I don't start to do constructive things until around noon.

I've started wearing the perfume I got for Christmas, and I'm not sure how I feel about that... I guess it's okay, as long as I don't overdo it. It could add to my femininity, and god knows I need more of that.

I'm working for about 3 hours this evening, and afterwards I'll probably make dinner, and then practice. Dinner will be either a salad or seitan and corn and cheese quesadillas with homemade salsa... Depending on how fat I feel. Esther is sleeping on the couch tonight, which should be a good time. I'm always so shocked when I realize that I have friends.... like where did the 12 people who are going to my birthday dinner come from??!! They know I'm not paying for them, right? Ah, well. Off to work I go.

hollywood makes me want to vomit

On BBC News' frontpage today, there was a bit about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt having a baby. My first reaction was "How irresponsible can these people be?" Because of course they will not be together after another 2 years, and the kid will grow up in this completely horrid life with two completely self-centered parents, cameras, and tabloids... I guess Hollywood High School is full of kids like that. Then I just thought about how Hollywood is this completely different world... full of bad movies and people who are in them- people you will never actually meet in real life... and they have these 3 year relationships that are broadcast all over the world, as if it's real news... and then they decide to bring another human being into the world as if they're deciding to buy a new fendi bag. God, these assholes should be sterilized.

Ye Olde Newe Yeare's Resolutiones

I don't even remember what mine were from last year, so I would imagine the same will apply for this year. But that said, it's probably always good to start out with some sort of objectives... I'm not going to use the age-old "lose weight" or "Get in shape" one... But I do want to find something physical to do that I can really love and commit to. I think it might be bellydancing and/or yoga... I also want to do more with the Outdoors Club. And I want to focus as much energy as possible on singing and learning how to be a really dynamic performer. So there. A year from now I might go back and figure out if I actually did any of these things.